december 4.1th

chips. i forget who told me the story about them, but the gist is this: you take to pastors, one new and one well known by his group. the old one could say something by accident [like raj did with «some crazy old lady cut me off in the parking lot»] and since he has slowly earned chips [trust] he only loses a few. a new guy doesn't have any chips to lose/spend. lots of fun can come from this, like older guys spending chips to help out younger guys etc.

yesterday one friend said to another after we had just put on an event «hey, blame that on me. i’ve got chips everywhere» which is true — he has earned plenty of chips. it made me wonder how many chips i have — at times i think i have had plenty. maybe i still do. i just don’t go anywhere to spend them, and no place large to earn them. there is a difference between earning chips and trying to gather chips, too. i believe i earn all mine by just doing what i do. i wonder if the chips i earn are funky, as usually people like me or hate me. it is like i get chips that people are afraid to touch, or they are the chips people don’t know what do to with and i am the only one that can earn that kind of chip.

i’m sure there is something better to call them than chips, but that is what is brought up: chips.

december 5.2th

i rented a movie corcor requested and while trevor continually interrupted us, we were able to finish. while crumpled up on the couch corcor says, «that is the first time i’ve ever cried for a book AND the movie» — it was «where the red fern grows», the new one. i had never read it or seen the old movie, so it was new to me. i guessed what was coming and was chasing trevor down so i missed the big scene at the end with little ann. i was okay, but on sunday i cried three times. kind of hard not to when matt & the band were playing. i’m not sure what i was moved by, either the nostalgia or God — i couldn’t say specifically. once was when i was in the other room and i could hear matt’s muffled speaking and the bass and drums, another during «oh praise him» and again during crowders «you are my joy.» it reminds me of the other song «how can i stand here and not be moved by you.»

december 5.3th

thursday is shuttle launch day so set your browsers to start up before 9.35pm ET — it’ll be a night launch, too. purty colors. i'll have nasa tv on the whole time. expect to see plenty of shots on my blog about the progress. this time they are closing a set of solar arrays to rotate it, then slowly going through and rewiring the iss from the outside so that it runs off the sun. talk about a long, tedious, and potentially problem filled mission.

december 5.4th

i think my new title will be «missionary to the church». it sounds backwards, but i think it is also very correct. a few times a year i’ll get asked when i’ll quit wasting my time on christians. i have yet to do so. i’ve found it all very slow growth, but over time there is change. i’m helping trees, not sunflowers.

december 6.1th

my latest pet peeve: asking questions about something that won’t be tried out, just information for the sake of saying you have the information.

eg, if we were a group of runners and running all the time, why would someone ask a teacher/speaker «should shoe laces be tight or loose?» it sounds like a good question, doesn’t it? but wait, if that person was running a lot and was like me where i tied and retied my shoes several times a day [or even just once], would that be a sensible question? nope. one would learn quickly when tight laces work and when looser is better [like on a hot day where feet will expand after a little bit of running]. we’d figure it out because we do it.

i look at questions differently know because of this. why ask «should i tell the person about God, or should i love them? which should i do?» — that just sounds funky. i really want to ask a question in return, «well, what works for you? how have these different things played out?»

if we did it, we wouldn’t have nearly as many questions about it and our questions would be very different and better formed.

«Much Modern theology presupposes the deistic assumption that the first step is to prove God exists. No, the biblical question is what kind of God exists?»
— Hauerwas and Willimon, Resident Aliens

yes, see where that takes you. try it. see what living out the Gospel looks like. then come back with good questions, questions that will provide both answers to live by as well as more questions.

december 7.1th

i was talking about stitches and the front sidewalk to the house i grew up in came up. our yard was a triangle so we had a very long sidewalk. we didn’t like to skateboard on it as it wasn’t ever very clean and the concrete had large gaps. we would skate in front of mrs. brunt’s house across the street. they had a white brick wall. they would repaint it, and now that i tell the story, i’m sure it was our grubby hands that got it dirty. back to our side of the street: we rode our bikes in laps around the block, playing chase or follow the leader or riding in formation. we rode our bikes everywhere. there was one time playing follow the leader where deanna popped a wheelie, then my brother, then i did and my front wheel came off. i new i was in trouble as i couldn’t hold it and i turned the handlebars when i came down and popped myself right in the chest. i got the wind knocked out of me and left my bike in the street, ran to my house, into the house, into my parents bedroom and passed out on their bed. i must have used up all the oxygen in my body.

there was also a low hanging tree branch that was made for the movies. one time during follow the leader i made good use of it, letting go of the bars and grabbing it. my bike rode on without me and on the backswing i flattened jason who was following behind me.

so now we are close to the stitches part. just next to that branch, closer to the second driveway was where we set up our ramps to launch off. we also would do it in the alley and sometimes would lay down so people could jump over us [i got run over once]. we set up a stick with 4 bricks on a side as our bmx racer friend from a few streets over was going to bunny hop it on his expensive bike. he wasn’t racing as he had 4 or 6 stitches in his elbow that needed to heal. he approached, hopped, and hit the stick. he went down hard but jumped up just as quickly. he looked at his elbow and swore «my stitches!» and rode away as quickly as possible. we looked where he landed and there was a strip of skin like a long piece of chewing gum, his stitches proudly holding that skin together. in moments there were ants all over it.

from that day on, we didn’t put the ramp anywhere near that spot.

december 8.2th

sarah is nearing the end of her pursuit of a career as a loan officer. many areas are perfect for her and she would outdo so many other people, but getting her name out there and getting loans are not her strong points. i think we both dislike peddling our skills. she'll be going to school come spring time, which should be both fun and tough. we already seem to be a bit short on time except for the one area we don’t tap enough: the kids. they aren’t responsible for much, and though it will take time it will be good for everyone. clothes do NOT belong on the living room floor or anywhere for that matter. they belong on bodies, in drawers, or the clothes hamper.

december 11.2th

aye, the funeral. i’m not quite sure what to write. all in all sad, with many people wanting some kind of an answer or a reason. i’m not if there is one. i can tell you, though, after hearing ashley talk about her brother as well as kyle's freaking hilarious and honest coach share, i believe i would have loved kyle if i had ever met him — he seemed like an awesome nut of a kid. annoying and great at the same time — reminds me of great friends in high school. what ash said about her brother, though, seemed far beyond her age — she is great. sarah pointed out that ash and kyle were the same difference in age as allie and trevor, our two little lion cubs. they have a love/annoyance connection going on, and thinking about it, how would they go on if seperated? i wonder if watching «where the red fern grows» wasn’t just coincidental. ashley gets to wake up each day without a goofy brother. that isn’t right.

i was in a seat where i could see the back of ashley’s head and as one person was talking she held her notes in front of her face and shook while sobbing. her dad gave her a hug and of course, i was streaming tears [sarah was smart and went without makeup]. a little bit later i thought «aw crap, whe wasn’t crying — she was laughing. little punk». oh, and during the video [which i knew the whole thing and how the images ended and all that, though i never could bring myself to watch the whole thing straight] is snorked at the end, one of those surprise cries in the back of a closed throat. sarah and i had crying headaches when we got home.

the next morning i had dropped off courtney for a birthday party and driving alone and this stupid song came on and even though it doesn’t exactly fit [nothing fits right in my head] i got all teary again.

Home is where your heart comes from
But what do you do when your heart's gone
With everything you need?

You got your stuff you packed your bags
You checked your things made sure you had
Everything you need
You upped, you left, you went away
To love to fight another day
'gainst everything you need

'cause moments they can turn to dreams
And hopes and wants can sometimes seem
Like everything you need
But treated bad then left alone
You cried, we said to come back home
To everything you need

You severed your ties
Left us all behind
You said all your goodbyes
To everything you need
You severed your ties
Re-forge them make it right
Come back with open eyes
To everything you need

december 15.3th

i have left my cell on all day. usually it goes for months without being turned on as i only use as a security blanket when i go riding. it has been fine. i don’t like using any phone, anywhere, any time. lately i’ve needed to, and people that want to talk to me at work have to go through the front desk and i am sure that is a pain. i also need to use it more for the mbtween side of things. last night i went through and added friends numbers. i think i’ve trained everyone to email me [which i still prefer] but it doesn’t work well in time sensitive situations. argh, we’ll see how it goes. sarah is much happier with this arrangement.

december 18.1th

spencer continues to surprise us. as we drove home from cleaning my office i heard a train coming and just missed getting to the tracks to see it pass. we drove parallel with it and spencer watched intently. i got on the overpass at the junction of golf links and alvernon and he started hollering «don’t go on bridge! stay with kwain kwacks!» i obliged and pulled off the main road next to the tracks and once sarah pointed that they were now on the other side of the road, spencer exclaimed, «oh, there are kwain kwack. thank you, daddy.» we’ll keep him.

december 18.2th

as i rode home last friday a lady decided to pull into the bike lane to turn right but i was already there. i was paying attention and squeezed over and loudly yelled «hey!» her passenger was startled as i was a foot from the window. she pulled into the corner gas station and i stopped at the red light. she waited it out in the car, not getting out until the light had turned green and moved on. i wasn’t going to yell at her, but i’m sure her seat needed drycleaning.

december 18.4th

i went xmas shopping for the boys and went to 4 stores and 1 store twice. i hate shopping, the spending of money. i was so exhausted and grumpy when i got done, but i think i got some great gifts. the kids really just need big toys, lot a lot of small pieces of landfill. trevor is getting an r/c truck [it is huge] and spencer is getting a helicopter than is controlled on a long boom [he should be able to handle that]. for trevors birthday i may get him a do-it-yourself electronics kit from radio shack.

december 20.1th

we had the first ever «july bbq in winter» with the inappropriate white elephant gift exchange. i created a burger i want to call «the sh**» which was a bun and patty with mayo, catsup, lettuce, tomato, onion, cheese, two strips of fatty bacon and a large hash brown. it was burger and fries rolled into one. we sat outside in high 30°F weather around the fire pit and laughed and laughed. sarah ended up with the communist manifesto while i came away with an arthritis today magazine, some pamphlets on urinary tract infections and stds, and a rectal thermometer [the packaging says it is easy to hold and use!]

other great gifts were anatomically correct gingerbread people ornaments, a dominatrix boot lamp, a photo of naked karl with 3 stars over specific areas, a toilet seat, 101 uses for tampons [and a pack of condoms], and a pen holder that was a naked man on the ground [you can guess where you put the pen]. i can’t wait for next year. as karl was pulling on his old lady compression underwear he had to jiggle to get it over his cell phone. i've never heard it get called that before.

end of december — i was on vacation

mmm, presents. sarah got a lot of school supplies as she is starting school next month. i got some fun things, the most notable was an led headlamp. that'll be great for camping. no more holding flashlights while struggling to set things up in the dark.

other than that, it rained, and we went up to scottsdale on saturday before christmas to hang out with my brother and co, and my sis and her husband came too. there is a huge train park in scottsdale and we rode both the 1/4 scale and i think 1/10th scale trains. the kids loved it and then we played on this fort they had for hours. we ran and ran and ran [and other kids played, but they obviously don’t play much with adults and they hurt. their dads sat around. good job. i'll send them father's day cards letter with «other than paying for the kid, you do what?»] we ate subway in the park, the went off to camelback mountain and the kids had a ball pulling themselves up long steep inclines with very few handholds. we had a hard time parking there and i was ready to give up. it was worth it. the older kids scrambled up a huge rock that i was a little iffy with but they did fine. we were misdirected leaving the mountain and took the long way around to a miniature golf place. the girls ran through the course [i’ve rarely lost $12 faster] and the boys got bored so it came down to me vs. my brother. it was nutty cold. we ended up getting holes-in-one to speed things up, but here is the scottsdale flavor: their were sand and water traps, with the sand traps being a plush carpet, not the normal artificial green.

from there [oh, it was a death march, but a fun one] we went to five and diner for dinner and spencer was a nut with all of us. brandon made a mixed drink [salt, pepper, salsa, mustard, etc] and drank a bit of it. we opened our presents under the outdoor heaters. i think maybe the best was a huge curious george book for spencer with 5 read along cds. he tried to stay awake on the way home but finally caved. he was struggling to keep reading.

that reminds me — we were socked in with fog on the entire drive to phoenix. we couldn’t see much and the roads over the interstate would scare us — they came out of nowhere. only once did we slow to 65 or so, but it was dense.

december 4.2th

i always wanted to name one of my kids the wonderful biblical name «joash». thing of all the fun one could have while yelling around the house:

«honey, could you go get joash ready for bed?»

«go get joash out of the car»

«mom, eddie is whupping up on joash!»

[if this isn’t funny, read it outloud to someone else.]

december 4.3th

white elephant give idea #1: a salt lick. isn’t that just the best idea? i’ll be getting one for this friday’s xmas party. i must think of more great ideas than this [other than the usual snow chains — we got the group snow chains last year, but we won’t pass them on. we’ll keep the group in suspense — this will be year #5 of the snowchains].

december 5.1th

my finger is nekkid today! woohoo! i think the doc may have said it was deeper so that i would care for it better as i can see the new skin underneath on part of the hole. maybe it was deeper elsewhere, but in the stitchless hole i am good. well, good meaning i’m going to have a rather ugly scar but that is fine — my hand modeling days were numbered [unless i specialize in backside shots — HAND backsides, that is].

for a while i was thinking of carrying a pen in my bad hand like bob dole so that nobody would try to shake my hand, but chose to be quick to the lefty hand shake and survived. this brings me to two jokes i was told in high school/early college and though i would consider myself kinda sharp, there were words and things i didn’t understand.

q: how do you know when bob dole has been having maritial relations with his wife?

[okay, at the time i did not know who dole was as well as his physical perdicament, nor did i ever call anything «maritial relations»]

a: when she has pen marks on her back.

at the time, the joke wasn’t funny at all seeing how none of it made sense at the time. you may as well done «how many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?» — «a fish». that one makes sense though as i know all those parts.

there is a proctologist sitting at his desk writing out prescriptions. he looks at the pad and there is no ink on the slip so he scribbles his pen to get it to work and nothing. that is when he realizes that he is holding a thermometer. he exclaims, «argh, some butthole has my pen!»

hah hah very funny, unless you didn’t know what a proctologist is, which i didn’t. so there you have it — if i don’t get the joke, it is probably because i don’t know what you are talking about. it goes for work, too, as there are all kinds of things brought up which i have no idea. i either ask or try out urbandictionary. that site, though maybe filled with a lot of made up words and definitions, is a portal to a world i don’t believe i want to travel.

december 6.2th

i like finding old printed pieces from decades ago. i wonder if in 60 years someone will find one of my el tour poster rolled up in a garage somewhere and think «no way, look at this cool old stuff». i don’t think the art will survive the critique, but it sure will be old. doesn’t that sound fun? i still see some things i’ve designed around town, but to have it last decades... i’ve always wanted to be an architect. i suppose much of what i’ve done with the house and yard will last a long time. those are MY trees.

december 6.3th

this really needs a lot of white space around it to set it off from all the gibberish i toss up. it is just not right for dozens of reasons. i feel all empty inside. this was in my inbox moments ago:

im not going to be at work today

ash called me this morning, they found her brother and he had over over over dosed and they didn't know if he was alive, so they rushed him to the hopital, and he's dead

kyle overdosed and he's dead. crap i cant even type....

people matter. i'm glad i face a monitor in the corner of the room so that nobody can see my face. aimee replied when informed:

crying in the middle of a campus library is quite awkward

my obsession with the annoyance of my stitches is nothing.

continued

jehn is over at ash’s house and sends this:

i hate breaking the news to people i dont know and watching them break.

watching people break. what comes to mind is the mother in «saving private ryan» as she is doing dishes and sees the black car come over the hill. as she gets to the front door, she very much breaks.

okay, must face computer, must face computer. hopefully nobody walks in my office right now. «painful tragedy» are too poor of words to describe today. i am really really sorry.

december 7.2th

the commercials for «tucson appliance center» are always cheesy but memorable, always finishing with a phrase i can’t remember now and the owner pointing both index fingers at the camera. a lady pulled up in front of our house and said she used to live here and wondered about a few of the neighbors. turns out her son is the guy in the commercials. i doubt we will get around to hanging a historic plaque on our wall but who knows.

december 8.1th

i discovered a keyboard shortcut in photoshop this morning — command-option-m. instead of bringing up an unchanged curves menu [command-m] it brings up the last settings used in a curves menu. how nice. how i discovered it, not so great — i was working on some art for the funeral from post 6.3. i have grown very weary of looking at photos of a very cute kid and his family. i do not look forward to the funeral tomorrow [i am a poor crier. ugly crier? somthing like that. i cry badly, none of this movie crying where people are «awwww» but more «ewwww».

i am ready for some rest, but jehn could use it more. she has been staying and helping out, running errands everywhere, when needed. that would be the roots holding up the trees that are getting hammered. hooray, roots.

december 8.3th

oh my, i almost forgot! other than the shuttle not going up last night, sarah and i head off to the andré rieu concert on sunday. sure, he looks like a lanky fabio with make a bit of zamfir, but it should be a fun concert. we got okay seats on the floor, too. look for a goofy post come monday.

december 11.1th

re: andre from just above 8.3]: oh man was he hoakie, but the old people ate it up [we were in a sea of gray and white]. he played them well, even ending with playing america the beautiful with a monster american flag on the screen behind them. it reminded me of a seaworld show, somewhat over-acted, kind of like a full orchestra run by the crew from hee-haw.

sarah and i had fun, though, dodging the massive traffic of 6,000+ old people driving not only at night but past their bedtime in an area of town that is crazy to drive in the first place. andre walked past us about 8 seats away when the group walked in [oooooo] and when the balloons fell, old people were rushing up to grab a balloon as a keepsake [they should have brought sharpies to have andre sign their boob]. they dropped snow on the crowd and the camera would show people getting a nice coating and the crowd laughed, and later the kicked in one that just dumped mounds and the crowd squealed. oh, the crowd was too funny. we got to dress up and walk around downtown at night — always fun.

december 15.1th

i had the second spacewalk playing in the background, listening to them give directions to the pair of spacewalkers. they were putting solar covers on equipment and the directions were to hook the right corner on h56 and the left corner on h52 or something like that. there was a moment spent while they worked on carrying out that instruction when the space walker said, «yea... there is no way possible to do that.» i’m sure that went over well with someone, somewhere. later i think there was static breaking up a conversation and it went «be-bah-po-ba-ba-po-be-bo» and the other guy responded clearly with «be-bah-po-ba-ba-po-be-bo? i think that is track 12» . i may have misheard it, but i found it to be very funny. what else would you do while going 23,000mph while working outside with the earth as your backdrop?

december 15.2th

tuesday night we had our annual year-end ornamenting. each year everyone gets a plain ornament and we set out colored sharpies and we decorate our year. it isn’t supposed to be a laundry list of accomplishments but how we’ve change and what impacted us. it is always good. this year was no different, and what most everyone shared was very personal and insightful. they were also drawn very well [words are frowned upon]. mine was rather simple this year: a new bike which i’ve been wanting/talking about for years and years, which i also helped me commute for the whole year [first calendar year]. i also cried the most this year [see this month alone] and that is a big shift as i come from a family that was detached from emotions. i drew some half done large flowers with smaller flowers, all little flower tracers with their own flowers getting traced. i think this is the first time it has gone multiple generations. i drew our van, too, as this was a full year of long trips. we wouldn’t have trusted our dodge crapavan for that. lastly was a bunch of trees and roots, doodles that mean i’m still part of the forest but not dependent on everyone else. as i was getting ready this morning i had a clearer idea: who i am is not based on what i am reacting against. i have a better idea of what i am about and am purposeful, too. i don’t squander a lot of time trying to get from other people, taking what i need to make myself feel better. i am the tree that i am. that is very new this year, and a long timing coming.

december 15.4th

i’ve been thinking ever since bush got into office and this strange existence of the republican party, christianity, american imperialsim and patriotism. it is a really sucky mix, one that has birthed something very very poor and damaging. it may be too long to explain, but take any group and have them start passing laws that are what they prefer — that can’t go well. i think the tide is turning and as the christians have fewer and fewer cookies i think there will be a bigger backlash and well have «gosh!» laws passed against us that we don’t like. ah, you reap what you sow. where is the grace, where is the stuff that xians are supposed to just do, not do because there is a law passed that says we all get to do that? maybe xianity will begin to mean something again, not just some sort of membership where we never go and do anything with it.

if xians can’t see that other xians could be democrats or anything else, then i would think they have a very very small understanding of what it means to follow God. it is going to be a very rough and sad ride for many of these people, fighting to the death over the last cookie in the cookie jar and then not knowing how to make any cookies on their own.

i hope the people in the future will treat xians far better than xians have treated them. if not, we are ALL in for a rough time, and deservedly so, i would think. self-created persecution — great.

december 18.3th

next year i want to hang the christmas lights in a big web and build a spider with a red costume and call him spider claus [claws?] but would it be too much to make it a nativity scene with little baby jesus all wrapped up [like in a web?]

i’m sure there is some social commentary about how he is just being eaten alive for material gain with xmas, but i don't know. maybe i’ll do it for halloween again.

december 18.5th

sarah and i brought the 50 pound salt lick to the friday night party and it was chosen last. people would feel up the presents and it was far too heavy. corey and nicole ended up with it — bwuhahah! the fine glassware of the 12 disciples returned, too, and then we played the game «i never» which was the best part of the night. jail, pot, toe-sucking and sharting all came up. at the very beginning was «i never had a vasectomy» and who was left standing? nicole. she has some ’splaining to do.

december 21.1th

what cold days! it is killing denver, but 26°F is cold, especially to commute in with.i believe the windchill was 18°F but i am sure i am much colder at speed. i feel my legs stiffening and i need to ride slowly. riding fast is not an option. at the end of the day i got home to see the space shuttle cross and then the space station just 3 minutes later [they had parted ways the day before]. we could only see the iss as it was out in the west.

that reminds me about today, the shortest day. it isn’t the latest sunrise and earliest sunset. those are almost a month apart. the sun will continue to rise later, peeking around january 8th though the earliest sunset was december 2nd or so. go figure. i also like how noon for us is around 12.30pm right now. go have fun, look up your local times.

december 22.1nd

markly is a goofnut. i tried to explain the above sunset thing to him but he couldn’t follow me on it. i then tried to explain it by drawing on a paper place mat at wendy's, marking off the sunrise and sunsets and he didn’t understand the graph. maybe if i had drawn an abacus...

for those that have found the above note challenging, take a look at the image below. until i find out for sure, i believe it is caused by both the earth’s tilt on it's axis and the curvature of the earth. i won’t draw an image of that.

so there. i discovered something pretty cool, something i did not know before. woohoo!

oh yes, the curves should be more even but i don’t care. it is 1.54pm on friday before xmas and i am slammed with work that i won't get done.

end of december.1 — i was on vacation

my memory is fading on what we did. i worked on painting the trim a bit as well as cleaning up a lot of the house. we mostly took it easy. it was a good way to finish up the year.

i know i know i know! sarah’s brother and wife got us a dishwasher! jermany united and i put it in, cutting up our cabinets to make space for the little 18" version. we also hooked up the water to the fridge and now have ice and water coming out. this is only because i think new appliances should settle in the house for at least 2 years before use. it could damage the servos and stuff. now we need to get the kids to learn how to use it.