septemberbubble 4not a single dream last night. i dream a lot [or i just remember them] and after 3 nights of the usual crazy dreams [lots of car wrecks in these last nights] nothing. that can't be right. septemblah 5the space shuttle is considered the most complex piece of machinery ever created, able to be reused and flown to a landing, all while surviving the massive heating/cooling that space so kindly provides. the bottom is covered with a bajillion ceramic tiles to handle the 1,500°C [about 30 trillion °F] generated on the shuttle’s skin during re-entry. a small piece of foam about the size of a large lunch box dinged the leading edge of a wing. while re-entering earth's atmosphere, that slight opening burned away at close to 3000°F for 12 minutes until it tore up larger sections of the wing resulting in the loss of the shuttle. it is rather distrubing that one little opening could chew through the shuttle and destroy it. i’m feeling a bit of the same. one small crack and streams of plasma chewed up my insides. the good thing is that i know i am not a loss — i have iron giant skills, though to have to use those skills means things didn't go so well. septemblah 6today is better, better by leaps and bounds. i wasn't sure where i fit [or if i even did] and now i do, or at least more than before. i'll pull from something i just wrote a group of online friends when asked, «where do you see yourself right now» and most have left the church but i am still there, but i fit there in a totally different way. way back when i said i was struggling with keeping the sand castle up from the approaching waves, spending all my time keeping up the look and feel of the xian brand/construct, and then i quit putting all my energy into something someone had made. there was this whole beach to enjoy, so i did, and that messed with my sandcastle building friends. beaches are fun - they go on forever, and there is all kind of sand. one day i turned inland and that was completely different from the beach, as well as humbling - i really grasp so little, and it isn't about the grasping but about what i am doing. i think i tromp around in supposed no-man's land [from the majority of the xian's views] but i'm okay with helping people build little sand castles just like i would with my kids. i can do that, and i can enjoy that with them, and i can enjoy them, too. maybe someday they'll enjoy the beach, or come with me into the jungle. [if you want an explanation of that, email me — i wonder what i’ll write in another 10 years] while chatting with sassy-squatch, the conversation reminded me of an old but great phrase i coined: «coming before God with your theology around your ankles» that is a great place to start septemblah 10penguinpuncher: so... pp: quoting me in another IM to someone else: "you must have that "i'll pay for sex" face or something" redperson: hehe pp: Apparently Ross agrees w/ your assessment. septemblah 12so, round 2, and i’m communicating rather badly. okay, maybe not badly, but it sure isn't coming across right, like thinking that giving a fish air is appreciated. or giving the great gas bellied fishes an open flame to light their way. maybe some day i'll get it right. heh — makes me feel like i've been investing in an IRA and then getting a letter from the Irish Repulican Army saying «thanks for all the money!» i am seeing the «feminine» side of things, though i wonder if it is just a full image of a person [i don’t claim to have much of any of it grasped, i am just noticing i have parts.] i can have emotions that go from great to wacky in 30 seconds. but it makes sense. on other news, in 7 days at about this time i’ll be flying over canada headed towards warsaw. courtney has said it has been raining most every day and i would like some sun when i get there. temps of my parents town are here. she has been having a great time. i can’t wait to get out there, but i also don’t like leaving sarah behind. we are supposed to be together — that is just who we are. |